The Role of Emotion
According to military pediatricians and psychiatrists, the effects of deployments cause emotional stress for everyone in the family; specifically, teenagers, who already experience anxiety merely because of their age. Teens who are faced with their mother or father’s absence because of deployment may experience many side effects such as depression, fear and anger.
Military children make psychological sacrifices because of binding circumstances such as their parent’s recurring deployments and parental exposure to potential physical or psychological injuries.
The military family community is a life of constant change. There are frequent moves, schedule changes, separations and deployments. As families talk to each other and those who share the same circumstances, the easier these situations will be to discuss and manage successfully. Participation in family readiness groups may be essential to stay connected and maintain a strong family unit.
“Today, an entire generation of military youth are affected by the absence of one or both parents,” says Dr. (MAJ) Keith Lemmon, pediatrician and adolescent medicine faculty member at Madigan Army Medical Center, Fort Lewis, Washington. “It is crucial to help these teens during the stresses of deployment, through preventative psycho-education.”
Teens cope with “crucial psychological effects” such as fear of their parents dying or getting hurt, frustration with having to assume more home responsibilities and having less time for friends and other activities. They may also misdirect anger to the parent left behind.
Gloria Jarvis of Fort Hood, TX observed the ramifications of deployment on her family when her husband came home from his second tour in Iraq January 2008.
“It has been a difficult adjustment for our son,” Jarvis said. “Kyle had to take on so many more responsibilities with his younger brothers and sister while his dad was deployed. He now has to learn how to be a child again.”
Jarvis says her son Kyle, who is now 15, seemed to be “resentful of his father” when he came home from an 18-month deployment to Iraq.
“He (Kyle) was only 12 when his dad deployed,” said Jarvis. “Taking on so much responsibility caused him to separate from the rest of us, it was as if he was just going through the motions- not really feeling anything. His dad missed so much of Kyle growing into a young man. We are not sure if he will ever be able to get back to being just a normal teenager.”
Preparing for a deployment is a time of emotional confusion. An article printed by the American Academy of Pediatrics reports when a mother or father is absent for extensive periods, teenagers might have feelings of being lost, empty or left behind. An extended deployment creates “hardship for the family unit.” In some cases the deployment is “often harder on families than it is on the service member.” Although teenagers may deny problems and worries, AAP urges caregivers to be available to “talk out concerns.”
Shawn Necaise, 16 of Purvis, Miss said, “Since my dad left, I stay separate from the rest of the family. I try to keep to myself because my mom and sister are always crying and stuff.” Necaise said he doesn’t show any emotions because he “has to be the strong one.”
“I know my dad is counting on me to mow the lawn and that sort,” Necaise said. “I don’t want to let him down while he is away on a job for America.”
When a mother or father deploys, teens should be able to spend time with friends and have a sense of normalcy with plenty of individual attention. Studies show it can be helpful to “encourage conversations around deployment.” If a teen is hesitant to talk about his or her feelings, parents should suggest the teen write their thoughts and feelings in a journal. Also, if a parent becomes worried about their teen’s change in behaviors, they should let their teen know they understand their feelings.
“My teacher told me I should start keeping a journal while my dad is gone,” Necaise said. “I told my baby sister about it and I think it has helped her out some.”
As family members anticipate their loved one’s departure, they are likely to experience anxiety about the future. Fear of the unknown can lead to feelings of helplessness, anger, and sometimes guilt.
A Virginia Tech research study on understanding how a parents’ deployment affects the teen years conducted by Dr. Angela Huebner, associate professor, human development, Virginia Tech, National Capital Region, and Dr. Jay A. Mancini, professor, human development, Blacksburg campus, found that behavioral changes once the parent left home were “the norm, although some were for the better; others for the worse.”
Stress teenagers experience is a typical part of adolescence. But sometimes teenagers “experience chronic stress or stress that might lead to negative behavior or emotional problems.” If a parent is concerned about their teenager’s emotional welfare, they should seek help immediately from a professional, a pediatrician or a counselor. Military OneSource can help parents find a local counselor and provide additional resources and information.
Dying at home
Hooah- Soldiers serve and protect America every day, all the way and seldom question America’s protection of them.
Our military is made up of volunteers- self-inflictors of a disciplined duty. American soldiers pledge their lives to protect this nation’s thoughts, its beliefs, its privileges, its freedoms, its people- its soul. Oftentimes, the men and women serving the country fall victim to those who retaliate against a soldier’s commitment to intangibles and their journey home from serving their country is met with succumbing by way of being killed on the streets of America.
No soldier signs the “dotted-line” to perish but they routinely die in war or times involving military duty. However, they are not expected to die in the streets of our country. And when it does happen, what happens next?
It was an early Saturday morning, May 29, 2004 when Army Captain Scott T. Corwin was shot and killed in the street at an intersection in the historic district of Savannah, Ga. He was serving as construction officer assigned to 92nd Engineer Battalion at Fort Stewart, Ga. Corwin’s murder is still unsolved.
“When your only son chooses to become a soldier the fear he might be killed is always at the back of your mind,” Greg Corwin said. “But, to have him gunned down on the streets of America is sickening”
In October 2007, Rep. Tim Murphy, R-Pennsylvania introduced the Captain Scott Corwin Armed Forces Protection Act of 2007 (H.R. 3884), legislation to amend the federal criminal code- Chapter 51 of title 18, U.S. Code. The bill proposed to make murdering a member of the Armed Forces a federal crime, punishable by death- whether in or out of uniform- corresponding the level of protection to that of law enforcement. Currently under the law for military homicide victims who are out of uniform, prosecutors must prove the defendant knew the victim was a service member. It was referred to the House Judiciary Committee. The amendment has not yet been made law.
“Our goal is to raise the protection of our military to the same level as police,” Rep. Murphy said. “It’s essential to get co-sponsors to help push this forward.”
Rep. Murphy believes educating communities about the current legislation will trigger questions and inquiries to state officials and help gain the support of other members of congress. “By recruiting other members of congress to support the amendment,” he says, “will send a message.”
“We realize congress is dealing with a lot of issues such as the economy,” Murphy said. “But we think the protection of our military should be high on the agenda as well.”
“I think my husband should be protected fully under the law,” says Sandra Meed, whose husband is currently stationed at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, TX. “Everyday he is risking his life for his country, I just assumed he would be protected under federal law if he’s in or out of uniform.”
On January 19, 2006, Pennsylvania Army National Guard Specialist Eric Martin was shot to death while being robbed in a playground at a public housing development in West Mifflin, Pa. His killer was convicted of second-degree murder and ordered life in prison. Martin was the father of a three-month old daughter.
“It’s unfair that you go through all of that in war over there and then you come home and get killed,” said Sgt. Matthew Claycomb of Pennsylvania. “No soldier should be shot down at home after making it through Iraq.”
Earlier this month, two soldiers were gunned down outside a recruiting center in Little Rock, AR. Pvt. Quinton Ezeagwula was injured and Pvt. William A. Long was killed. Carlos Bledsoe a.k.a Abdulhakim Muhammad has been charged with the crime. Apparently, these soldiers were targeted because they are- soldiers. Some are calling the shooting “an act of terrorism.”
According to reports published by The Associated Press, Bledsoe/Muhammad told police his actions were in “retaliation for U.S. military action in the Middle East.” The report also stated national security officials have “feared the emergence of a new breed of American militants who raise little suspicion as they move in and out of the country.”
These violent circumstances plaguing our military are not isolated incidents that can be explained away by virtue. In that, when a member of the Armed Forces is killed- in war or in the streets of our country, in or out of uniform, it creates a dent in America’s armor. A tactic used by those opposing a way of life to achieve an aggressive mission- to breakdown America’s protective guard.
In professions such as the military where men and women’s lives are endangered by way of purpose, trust in its commanders becomes sacred. As long as these American soldiers hold true to their commitment to serve and protect this country, their lives should be shielded with the utmost disciplined laws, whether in or out of uniform.
P.T.S.D
Suicidal tendencies, depression and self-destructive behavior are states of mind that have occurred in humans forever. In regards to current day events, namely soldiers engaging in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, these ways of behaving are considered attributes of post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd). However, this disorder is not isolated to the soldier. More and more spouses of our soldiers are divulging similar symptoms.
“I thought all would be great when Sam got back from Iraq,” says Jennifer Yarborough of San Antonio, Texas. “But my mood swings into depression became too much to cope with- I didn’t understand what was happening to me.”
Post traumatic stress disorder is described as any person(s) exposed to a traumatic event in which the person has experienced, witnessed or was confronted with an event that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury. The disorder also includes intense fear, helplessness or horror, which are symptoms spouses typically describe having.
Although countless spouses keep hold of these symptoms, like any stress related emotion, ultimately the confrontation commences and contention is met with greater trauma. But, conceding to these serious symptoms begins the healing process and support is essential.
“While he (Sam) was in Iraq I would get so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed some days. Now that he is home, I still get very depressed, I can’t sleep for nightmares and I question his love for me and our kids.”
Military.com published the article, “Course for Families Focuses on PTSD” a course which elaborates the influence of PTSD on spouses and family members. Although the week-long program provided spouses with tools to help their husbands adjust to being home- Bettina Kanitz, a DHCC psychologist, reports the “symptoms can have a dramatic impact on the family.”
During deployments, spouses are left to deal with being a single parent, managing the household and career, making financial decisions as well as being faced with death, injuries and the fear of the “unknown.” These responsibilities could have a vast psychological impact on the marriage/family relationship and most importantly, the spouse.
While there are many outlets for support of the military spouse during and after deployments, these systems limit the “support” actually available to the spouse. These outlets include direct contact support via phone with a counselor, Blogging threads on the Internet, limitless articles and support groups. However, for some spouses, these forms of support fall short in “realistic dealings.”
“Many of the sites I’ve gone to seem a bit unrealistic to me,” says Justice in Fort Hood, Texas. “Everyone (on the site) acknowledges how hard it is being without their husbands, but I don’t feel comfortable spilling my heart to women who say everything is ‘great’ as long as we live day by day. Sure that is true, but what about my constant nightmares, or my going through the day acting out my reaction to the ‘knock on the door,’ what support group helps with thoughts like that?”
While this type of self conflict would possibly be referred to a professional counselor, this spouse would still be faced with limitations on support. As per military spouse benefits, she would be eligible to receive free limited sessions with a psychologist sort. But, some spouses still face shortfalls on this type of referral.
“I knew I had to talk to a professional when I started resenting my husband,” said Jennifer of Mc Comb, Mississippi. “I was given free sessions to go talk to someone but he kept telling me I possibly suffered from secondary stress and should focus on my husband being home and just be happy.”
According to Tom Berger, a senior analyst for veterans benefits and mental health issues for the Vietnam Vets of America, there’s current research to show spouses, partners and kids suffer from “secondary PTSD” not actual post traumatic stress.
The assumptive role of the military spouse is to support his/her soldier during and after deployments. In most cases, this responsibility is accomplished with great effort and extreme benefits. But for some, this could be a daunting task and influence his/her mental state and cause significant impairment to their psyche. Therefore, post traumatic stress should be recognized in spouses as a serious primary ailment not a secondary “condition.“
Until then, many spouses may not pursue appropriate help and obtain aggressive treatment needed to maintain a healthy character which evolves into a mentally stable soldier and a lasting family unit.
Soldier 360
Moving way through the line, the purpose becomes apparent. Rationalizing to get through the wait- posing for a dead picture. Taken upon arrival of where ever deployment begins and is never a topic of conversation- but circumstance engraved in the mind.
But realization of specifics occur for those left behind with a knock on the door. A passage from rapt to sullen emerges quickly when time for one of life’s lessons. It’s the element of surprise most devastating. Knowing truth-to sensor disposition- obtained in the initial brief of the military culture.
Revealed in the journey of life- one can only grasp to the casing of gratitude of hope and reason. There is much to be learned - there are ways to deny concern of what may happen but to contest any gloom possibilities may permit a most disturbing consequence.
Throwing away wisdom is not an elective within a deployment ending in the conclusion all is not well. At last glimpse of a dream- sight plagues what the mind reflects in the end of life. For this sanity, the soldier concedes his hand to the motive of the dead picture.
“My husband loved being a soldier,” says Michelle. “He was proud to be in the military and accepted what could happen.” Her husband Robby was killed by a roadside bomb outside Baghdad, April 2007.
Fort Hood TEXAS
Strength comes to us when it is needed most. There are times when we wonder why we have not the intensity to handle situations- but at the finish we look back and understand all that has happened.
Analyzing the premise of inner control keeps the sturdiness as platform for the next duration of tribulation. It will be fundamental to progress through times when patience is concealed.
Many have providence to stand and relinquish a troubled mind and discover priority- a child. Knowing an innocent soul needs to feel love and be secure while in an insecure way.
Deployment of a father or mother may be ominous to a lonely heart- but the necessity for the nurturing parent to keep lucid feelings is essential to the expansion of a fulfilled spirit.
“I felt so busy that I just kept thinking he was at work,” says Krista, a Ft. Hood spouse whose husband, Tyler, is due back from Iraq in just a couple of weeks. “I think everyone thinks differently, my friend is like me, we barely know they are gone because we get so caught up with our kids.”
Knowing trauma may not be detrimental to all- it can bring forward those strengths sheltered deep inside until needed most. The result- an impressive conquest and the ability to look ahead- thanks Krista!
Hattiesburg, MS
Changing during a deployment transpires in all who are associated with the event. We all resist it- but it occurs nonchalantly and in a way of relenting to vitality. Most realize and tolerate it- but some get dazed and can’t understand the importance of its acceptance.
The chore of acknowledging change is a burden added to those already suffering from various types of depression, anxiety, opposition and indecision. It can alter the way a day is perceived- nevertheless one’s approach to any children who may need reassurance of love and security.
“We had talked about what may happen while he was gone,” says Jo from Hattiesburg, Mississippi, “but change in our relationship was not discussed and we almost got divorced.” Her husband David is currently serving his second tour in Iraq.
It’s easy to take for granted growth in life- it occurs on a daily basis. Being without a significant part of your daily routine for an extended period of time- it becomes standard and a person begins evolving into one where there were previously two.
“It is scary to think of how we will be when David returns, but this time, I will be ready to acknowledge it and hopefully move forward.” For those who change the most, it is encouraging to know there are loved ones who understand and are willing to maintain a relationship that evolves continually- unconditionally.
Fort Hood TEXAS
As much as we want to believe we are strong enough to handle the stress of a deployment, there are still issues we circumvent- loneliness. It’s not a subject brought up in the commissary- but if you look closely at those whom you share market time, you can see suffering.
Some of us are not lucky enough to have a local support system- some of us daunt the protocol of sharing with those who are our only option- so we continue the journey with our eyes closed to admitting we actually need anyone other than our soldier.
We look within ourselves for the strength to acknowledge time does pass and there will be the day our soldier is slated to come home. Come home and enjoy the ever-changed family life, and realize all that was missed and share a life left to discover a purpose.
Some families endure multiple deployments and are challenged with reuniting with someone who we no longer know. Searching the eyes for the soul we once knew as our best friend, our lover, our life partner becomes an ardent tenacity.
“We don’t do so well during deployments,” say Stephanie whose husband is currently serving his second deployment in Iraq. “I am sorry for everyone who has to deal with them cause it is worse than just about anything else.”
Although the intense feeling of needing change is embedded in most of us- hence the actuality of the military community, we struggle with the probable outcome of the military way. But, when there is reassurance, there is comfort in obtaining another day closer to the end of a deployment.
Fort Hood TEXAS
Over and over the idea of taking care of our children while my soldier was deployed was plunging my optimism with mental strain. However, like most scenarios, there is a brighter side of stress, and that is relief.
While being the sole caretaker of children is not usually at the top of anyone’s list, having to do it can be calming to your disposition. Many of us just float through the day unintentionally letting the single parent thing affect our mood.
We come to understand the purpose of caring and sharing in unconventional ways. At the end of the road you realize it may be your children who have taken care of your soul on a par- and it enlightens the thoughts of all that may have caused issue during the stay.
“To be honest, if not for my kids, I’m not sure I would have made it this far- doing this good,” says Summer of Ft. Hood, “they are the center of my attention and have helped me more than they will ever know.”
Through the months it seems to get easier relying on the smiles of your children- yet no matter what their ages, their sweet faces look to you for reassurance that their mommies and daddies will soon be home and all will be well again- and it makes us cry. Crying to strengthen the soul.
Support groups emerge, online meetings, lunch outings- not meant to make all normal, but to have a release in your mind that you are not at it alone. Sharing ideas of how to focus on relieving pain is important.
Summer says she has found some friends who help her through her husband George’s deployment in Iraq. “Everyone understands where you’re coming from because just about everyone who is a military spouse has been in my shoes, so we try to help each other when we can.”
“My husband is my best friend and it’s hard living without the other part of you for so long,” she says. Like Summer and her husband, my husband and I are best friends and being without your best friend is like walking around in one shoe.
So all of us military wives come to terms with making the days without the other part of us through those who share in our unconditional love. Support groups bring us together to realize our thoughts and our children keep us resilient. And in the end, some special relationships are made.
